


just sad

by gremlin_b0y



Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst, Anorexia, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Depression, Eating Disorders, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gay Male Character, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Relationships, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, References to Depression, Sad Ending, Self-Doubt, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Self-Indulgent, Suicidal Thoughts, Triggers, fluff at the end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-12 23:34:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29143809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gremlin_b0y/pseuds/gremlin_b0y
Summary: another sad oc oneshot I seeanywho uh it's just depressing so dont expect to be happy when ur done reading italso trigger warning, read the tags and dont read if ur not comfortable with anything
Relationships: kyoki/yawa
Comments: 1
Kudos: 3





	just sad

thoughts were ringing through his head.

they got louder and louder.

it was pitch black in his room, besides his laptop screen illuminating his face and the tear stains on it. he was getting overwhelmed again, and he knew kyoki had told him he could call or text him if he was feeling another panic attack coming but he didn't want to bother him. 

he was probably doing something important or didn't want to be annoyed.

so he just let it play out, he did this a lot.

just letting his stomach fill with that heavy sense of dread and let the feeling of his lungs shrinking consume him.

he let the tears stream down his face and go under his chin, soaking his sweater. 

he had locked his bedroom door even though he was alone, he really didn't want his boyfriend to find out what he had been doing to himself.

he hadn't eaten in a week. he tried but he couldn't hold anything down. 

he always wore baggy clothes though so it wasn't much of an issue with hiding it. 

he hated hiding things from kyoki but he didn't want him to ask questions or worry about him. he didn't want anyone to worry. 

he didn't feel like he deserved it.

Kyoki would say otherwise but that's what he's worried about. 

he felt like it was all a lie. 

everyone was lying to him, yeah that's it. 

actually he was the one lying to himself.

he had been sitting in the same position for a while, he closed his laptop and got up, hearing his bones crack. 

his eye bags had gotten worse from not being able to sleep barely at all, he would just stay up worrying about the what ifs, everyone had always told him he worried too much but he couldn't help it.

he tried too.

nothing worked.

his whole body was shaking and he just needed to walk over to his drawer.

maybe if he felt anything other than anxiety it would drown out the panic. 

it'd be better than what was happening right now, even if he bled out he couldn't find it within himself to care enough.

he sat back down on the bed and rolled up his sleeve, his wrists were so boney but all he saw was a warped version of himself. 

he shakily ran the razor over his pale skin, he winced but kept going.

he didn't want to feel anxious so pain was the next best thing to happiness at the moment.

he stopped when he couldn't see anything through his tears, his vision too blurry to do anything else. he looked down, after wiping his eyes, and sees the white bedsheets stained with his blood, it wasn't a very big stain but still very noticeable on the white.

he threw the bed sheets and blanket in the washer, but he was still bleeding. 

he didn't really care though, but y'know still a problem because Kyoki would probably be home soon so he needed to clean himself fast.

he got in the shower and turned the water on a high setting.

he hadn't slept in a while and the water was making him tired, wouldn't be too bad to sleep for a second, would it?

he fell asleep hoping to wake up soon.

Kyoki came home and heard the shower running, he knew it was probably Yawa, unless some random person was in their house.

he knocked lightly on the door to check on him.

"Yawa...you okay in there?"

no answer

'okay maybe he just didn't hear me..'

"baby, Yawa?" 

he opened the door and could see new clothes sitting there, the steam hit him in the face and by the humidity he could tell the water had been running for a while.

he opened the curtain and saw yawa laying down on the bathtub floor, he saw how red his skin had gotten and immediately turned the water off.

he picked yawa up and played him down on a towel, he looked down and saw the cuts on his arms.

he wrapped him in a towel and dressed for bed, laying down next to his boyfriend he kissed his cheek. 

"it's okay baby, I'm here"


End file.
